Random Conversation About "My Art"

An actual conversation that happened at the bar.

Do note that this is NOT the piece of art, discussed. It is similar although in this one all 3 of the girls bottoms are "smarting" just the way I like it

Drunk guy: Hey, this is my first time here, do you come here often?
Me *thinking*: OMFG, is this guy for real?
Drunk guy: I rode my bike here
Me: Your motorcycle?
Drunk guy: No my bicycle!
Me thinking: Oh god, why did I have to get stuck next to this guy.  Couldn't one of my friends have saved me? The last time I got stuck at the bar next to someone who had rode their "skate board" to the bar, the guy never made it home.  He was too drunk to skateboard, ran into a car, and ended up in the hospital instead.
Me: Well that's quite impressive riding your bike all the way from "XYZ" city, and up the hill too!
Drunk guy: I'm an artist
Me: Cool
Drunk guy: Want to see my website?  Well it's a website, but it's not really live yet
Me: Sure
Shows me his site
It's actually some decent art, although only one piece is really in line with my taste
Me: I like this one here, this one with the woman where you see her backside.  But I really think her bottom should be "smarting", as though she'd been spanked.  I think that would enhance the piece
Drunk guy: Wow!!! You are so in tune with my work! I totally agree.  Did you notice she has no face? I drew her without a face
He's right, he did draw a head but no face (haha, if only he knew what I was thinking right now)
Drunk guy: You sound like an artist, you know your stuff.  Are you an artist too?
Me: I am
Drunk guy: Cool.  What kind of art do you do?
Me: If I told you, I'd have to kill you
Drunk guy: Ok. Well what's your medium?
Me: the human body
Drunk guy: You do massage?
Me: "No!" (said it a very strict, no nonsense, and dismissive way)
Drunk guy: Do you smoke? I'm going to have a cigarette
Me: No
Very shortly he returns, unsmoked cigarette still in his hand
Drunk guy: You've got me intrigued, what kind of art do you do?
Me: As I already said, if I told you I'd have to kill you
Drunk guy: (said in a dead serious voice) "Please kill me, it would be worth it"
Me thinking: How did I end up next to this guy & why are my friends or the bartender not saving me???

The drunk guy at the bar